Memento Mori vs. When Shit Gets Real
When shit gets real, are you ready?
My RECIPE for Happiness
In this POST, I gave you my Recipe for Happiness.
In this POST, I tweaked my Recipe to add Self-Love & Connection in Community.
In this POST, I emphasized the importance of Being Playful to enhance the Fun & Flow we can experience in our lives.
In this Post, I described how experiencing Wordlessness can help us to stop our Monkey Minds from Labeling people, opportunities, and experiences with pre-judgments that can cause unnecessary suffering.
Today’s Post tackles how the Dark can help us to see the Light
Do you have a Death Practice?
Do you give yourself a specific amount of time to stare death in the face?
Like giving yourself a good dose of Existential Crisis — on Purpose?
I’ve always been a fan of the Stoic Phrase memento mori.
It’s a Latin phrase that reminds us we will all have to die.
It’s that icky tap on the shoulder, the haunting whisper in our ear, pointing out the inevitability of death.
I have pondered death from time to time. But, I wouldn’t say that I have a devoted “Death Practice.”
I’ve maintained a Daily Gratitude Practice, instead.
Every weekend, my entire family — including my two young kiddos — have joined in. We list whatever we’re grateful for on that particular day.
Then, shit got real: I had The Real Death Practice hoisted on me.
My doctor became concerned by an area in my left breast.
What was the recommendation? An Ultrasound-Assisted Breast Biopsy.
What would be involved?
✓ Ultrasound.
✓ The prick of a needle and some pain before the numbing agent sets in.
✓ Incision into breast.
✓ Inserting a 4-8” Needle with a hollow core.
✓ Pressure and poking. Pressure and poking. Pressure and poking.
✓ Loud clicking noises as the doctor takes tissue samples for biopsy.
✓ Waiting…and wondering…and ruminating…for the results from Pathology.
Sound good to you?
As unappealing as it sounded, as the doctor recommended the procedure and described the steps to me, before he’d even asked at the end, “Do you have any questions?"
I already knew my answer, “Yes, I want the biopsy.”
Absolutely. Without reservations, YES.
Don’t get me wrong.
I’m not some Stoic Warrior, at the front of the line, ready to charge ahead into battle, screaming like I belong in Braveheart.
MY FEAR RUNS DEEP.
Two of my dear friends have had Breast Cancer.
One told me about her own breast biopsy procedure and described how her doctor refused to tell her the results on the phone, insisting instead that she come in with her husband, to hear the results in-person. She had surgery and survived without extensive chemo and without losing her hair.
The other had to do extensive chemotherapy and lost all her hair. She said it was brutal, but she survived.
This is what was running through my mind. Like everything our brains are primed to do, my brain ran through the list of similar stories and experiences from which I could draw. And, from my friends, 2 out of 2 breast biopsies resulted in cancer findings.
Plus, my Great Aunt died from breast cancer.
In fact, cancer runs on both sides of my family.
Both my parents have cancer (luckily, they’re both in remission).
But, they’re the rare two among many cancer-related deaths on both sides.
So much so, cancer’s always been in the back of my mind, like “One day….”
I try not to think like that. I tell myself not to. I don’t want to brainwash myself into believing that it’s inevitable. Because it’s not. Epigenetics and all that.
But, realistically, that word — “cancer” — has come up so much in my life, it’s like…
I’ve been training for this probability for my entire mental and emotional life.
I just never anticipated having to do it anywhere close to NOW.
Some people avoid going to the doctors because they’re afraid of what they might find.
Some people sense something’s off with their bodies, but they’d rather continue living without knowing, so they can stay oblivious to what might ail them.
As long as they don’t know for sure, they can live blissfully, I guess.
What about me?
Was I ready to dive in with that needle and get to the bottom of this?
YES.
And, it surprised me to see that all my mental chatter wasn’t focused on the prospect of dying.
I zoomed into what I wanted to keep living for:
• I love my family.
• I want to live for my kids.
• For my husband.
• For myself.
I wasn’t sad.
Instead, felt this dogged determination, to deal with it, come what may.
To be there for my kids and family. To get to see them grow up. To see them become who they’re meant to be.
To enjoy my parents and extended family, as much as possible.
And for me, I thought, “It’s taken me far too damned long to get myself to this place, where I am ready to wholeheartedly embrace my Authentic Self. Whatever I need to do, I’ll do. I want to LIVE.”
The Logistics
“How soon should I do this?”
“Can you do 9 a.m., tomorrow?”
Okay, so they want me to do it ASAP.
“Do you want us to turn off electronic notifications? So the doctor can call you with the results? Some patients don’t want to see the results themselves.”
Huh?! I thought, Don’t you dare turn off the electronic notifications! I want them ASAP!
Of course, I didn’t put it like that, though, and just asked them nicely. “Please keep the electronic notifications on.”
But, inside? Yeah. I wanted to be notified immediately. So I could see the scans and biopsy results in all of their Radiological glory.
Turns out, I didn’t have to wait to see.
During the biopsy itself, I got to watch the screen. I got to see the exact Ultrasounds as they were scanned, recorded, and photographed into the digital record.
I got to see the (hopefully little) shit that decided to scare me shitless.
The Before: Pre-Diagnosis
Before the Diagnosis, I told myself:
“HAND OVER HEART, if this turns out to be breast cancer, it’s going to light a fire under my ass so hot that I won’t bother sitting down.”
“HAND OVER HEART, if this turns out to be a benign, non-cancerous cyst, I will make it my Death Practice to pursue my Dreams with more Passion & Purpose than ever before. We all die, but I won’t have to look far to feel it in my body. All I’ll need to do is place my hands over my chest, and know that THAT’s how close my heart could have broken. THAT’s how time might be measured. With each single beat. Tomorrow’s not guaranteed.”
The During: Ultrasound-Assisted Biopsy
Throughout the procedure, the doctor was as gentle as she could be.
Before starting, she let me hear the click of the sampling device, so I wouldn’t be shocked by how loud it could be.
She warned me before each sampling was taken, so the pressure and clicking wouldn’t startle me.
She confirmed I was numb and comfortable.
And, throughout the procedure, a nurse held my hand and stroked my arm so gently.
The After: Diagnosis
BENIGN.
What changed?
Everything’s Changed.
I don’t have to worry that something malignant is going to metastasize from my breast to other areas of my body.
I don’t have to worry about surgery.
I don’t have to worry my family or friends by telling them I have cancer. And yet…
Nothing’s Changed.
The exact same rules apply:
It’s literally DAYS I have, to lose or to live wholeheartedly.
That’s how time is measured, by the rising and falling in my chest.
Same as yours.
And, no, tomorrow’s not guaranteed.
Not for me.
Not for anyone.
It’s literally DAYS we all have, to lose or to live wholeheartedly.
Now, take a Mindful Minute to reflect on your life:
⭐️ Do you have a Death Practice?
⭐️ Do you need to go to the doctor?
⭐️ Do you need to take better care of your body?
⭐️ Do you have something health-related that’s bothering you, that needs to be diagnosed?
⭐️ Have you noticed anything suspicious, something you know you ought to get checked?
⭐️ Are you open to finding out what it is? Or, do you lean toward blissful obliviousness?
⭐️ Do you live your life with purpose & passion, knowing that your days are numbered?
⭐️ How might pondering death help you to live life, wholeheartedly?
I’m making it my Goal to start a regular Death Practice. So I’m ready whenever shit gets real. I hope you’ll join me, to remember:
Memento Mori.
It’s literally DAYS we all have, to lose or to live wholeheartedly.
Now Let’s get Livin’!
The Hand-Over-Heart in me honors & respects the Hand-Over-Heart in each of you,
Marisa
⭐️ Do you have all the answers? No? Me neither. ⭐️
⭐️ No problem, because we don’t have to figure it out, all alone. ⭐️
We can find solutions, together!
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From Monday 2025-9-22:
It’s WEEK #4 of The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron: Recovering a Sense of Integrity.
Come join us in the STUDY, SAVOR, & SUPPORT Each Other CHAT! ☕️🍵 for WEEK #4 of The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron: Recovering a Sense of Integrity.
In Chapter 4, JC warns that many of us will feel the urge to shy away from, or completely avoid, writing our Morning Pages when we’re on the cusp of making a breakthrough.
Because the MPs force us to be honest with ourselves, to go beneath the surface-level platitudes we might say when asked, “How are you?” Instead of giving a cursory answer like, “I’m fine,” our MPs force us to tell ourselves the truth.
⭐️ I find like this pep-talk helpful, don’t you?
Because, let’s face it:
Life gets so busy, it becomes very easy to skip our MPs.
And I did skip my MPs a few times this past week. It’s not that I wasted my time. I got other writing done. So the time was spent doing Creative Work.
But, from reading Chapter 4, I’m reminded that MPs are the equally (sometimes more important) Self-Work that I need to prioritize — if not during the Morning, then sometime later during the day or before bedtime.
Even if I don’t have time to do 3 full pages, I do have time to write a few paragraphs. A little is better than nothing, right? 😉
⭐️ What about you?
⭐️ Have the MPs helped you to unearth any truths, hidden beneath the surface?
⭐️ Have your MPs given you any surprising revelations about yourself, like JC’s examples (e.g. a painter who realized she wants to write comedy)?
⭐️ Feel free to share as much or as little as you feel comfortable.
⭐️ Have you done your MPs every day? No judgment here!
⭐️ But, let’s get curious! If you skipped, what got in your way: external commitments or internal obstacles?
⭐️ Are you going to do anything to change your MP routine, to try to stay on track?
I want to dedicate more time to checking in inside this Chat, to hold myself more accountable with your help (a.k.a. the wonderful power of community)! Even if it’s just typing in a little emoji, like ✅📝, to share with everyone, “Hey, I did my MPs today!” I mean, who doesn’t like the satisfaction of writing a green check mark? Feel free to join me, using whatever emoji you’d like.
I think it’s worth it, if it motivates me to keep going.
Because the MPs have produced some interesting observations for me. Like I described in my last Post (linked below), I realized my wordy Writer’s Mind was getting in the way of my Piano Practice, and I needed to embrace Wordlessness to fix the problem.
Would I have made that connection without my MPs? Perhaps. But, I do think that my MPs got me there faster than if I had not given myself the time to deliberately reflect the way that MPs force me to do.
Here are some journaling prompts to consider this week:
🔬 Do your MPs help you to eliminate ambiguity and clarify your opinions about the people and/or experiences in your life?
🔬 Let’s be honest with ourselves. When we skip our MPs, are we secretly trying to avoid taking action?
🔬 Do we feel fear or optimism when we write our MPs? If it’s both, do our MPs help us to shift from fear to optimism?
🔬 If we did our MPs, would we be open to changing directions, like trying a different, possibly better path in our lives?
🔬 Do our MPs empower us to make better, more mindful choices?
⭐️ Please share your thoughts.
⭐️ Did anything from Chapter 4 resonate with you?
⭐️ Is there a different journaling prompt that’s been helpful for you?
Let’s support each other in the Chat!
We got this! 💪😉🙌
From Wednesday 2025-9-24:
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Like the Sketch I included for this POST (above).
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Have a fantastic weekend!
The Creative in me honors & respects the Creative in each of you,
Marisa
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Thank you for sharing your story, Marisa.
I’m sorry you had to go through all of that. I know how scary that can be. I had to endure biopsies (I seem rather immune to both Novocain and lidocaine 🙈) and then surgery first on my cervix, And then on my thyroid in 2012-13. The biopsy on the thyroid was also done with ultrasound and enormous needle; the one of the cervix was done with electrified wire. Both were entirely unfun. Thankfully I didn’t require chemo or radiation in either case, and barely qualified as cancer (the thyroid nodules may not have been, but after two unidentifiable results, I was given the option of getting biopsies every six months or undergoing a partial thyroidectomy. I never wanted a giant needle repeatedly jabbed into my throat ever again, so I elected to have that hemisphere removed while I was blissfully under full general anesthetic.)
I haven’t been to the doctor since I got my new job over 2.5 years ago… mostly because I hate researching, finding, and meeting new healthcare professionals. I’ve found many of them condescending, and I find the whole thing very stressful… but I know that with my history, and my age, that it is far past time I go get a checkup and begin getting mammograms and colonoscopies. Ugh 😩. So I looked up naturopaths that take my insurance in my neighborhood (there is one, and it’s a woman!! Yay!!) and put a reminder in my phone calendar to call and make an appointment on Tuesday.
Thank you for being the much needed 🔥 under my own ass!
I do think about death fairly often. For many years of my life it sounded like an escape. Then I realized that I really do want to live, just not in the way that I had been. I am still figuring out how I actually DO want to live… and for awhile I felt really pressured to figure it out before I die. But that feels stressful and unhelpful too, so I’ve made my peace with taking each day as it comes, being grateful for as much as possible, and understanding that it can all end for me at any given moment. Que sera sera 🖤
I really like the sketch, it’s a deemed inappropriate on the Substack news feed.
Wow, Marisa, this is such an inspiring essay. What touched me most was when you insisted on keeping your biopsy notifications on, wanting the results ASAP. That honesty felt so real and relatable. I think many of us would rather face the hard truth than sit in anxious uncertainty. The way you shared this reminded me how courage can sometimes bring peace, even in life’s scariest moments.